Wartime Plumbing - a wartime blog

I began my career in the Navy as an eager young officer ready to serve my nation and the stars and stripes with competence, and fervor, and loyalty. Soon the bloom faded from the rose and a full blown hatred evolved.

First to go was the Captain of our ship. Apparently he suffered from bleeding piles and he persisted in flushing large bloodied cotton wads into his toilet. I should mention that my duties were as an assistant to the First Lieutenant. I was the Construction and Repair Division Officer. As such, I commanded the deck forces not involved with gunnery or navigation. We were the electricians, mechanics, carpenters, welders, masters-of-arms, and the plumbers. Ah yes, the plumbers.

There were frequent calls from the navigation bridge with the boatswain blowing loudly in his pipe over the Public Address System. He would announce to the entire crew that “The presence of Mr. Roberts was requested in the Captain’s head.” For those readers who don’t know, a head is a room with a toilet.

Of course I would show up with a plumber and his paraphernalia to clear the mess. A discreet telephone call would have gotten the same response, but no, it had to be heard shipboard over the P.A. complete with the shrill boatswain’s piping whistle – almost like “all hands to general quarters” or “battle stations”.

Eventually, by the proverbial light of the moon, I modified the ship without notifying the Bureau of Ships in Washington. I enlarged the discharge overboard from the Captain’s head. A court martial offense if I was found out. Fortunate for me, the ship was scrapped some twenty years later with its violation intact.

M F Roberts